I'm almost afraid to be writing this, because then I might actually have to do something about it. Just being honest. But in my heart, I can sense that God's calling me to much more than I've ever believed for myself. At our young adult gathering at church tonight, some of the words from the Delirious song Rain Down really hit me. As many times as I've sung that song, I don't think I've ever really paid attention to some of the words. They have to do with dreaming. Here's the second verse:
Back to the start, my heart is heavy
Feels like it's time to dream again
I see the clouds, and yes, I'm ready
To dance upon this barren land
Hope in my hands
I feel like I have a lot of dreams for what I'd like my life to look like, things I'd like to do, but they're just that - dreams. I've never allowed myself to believe that they will actually happen. Why? Largely because of fear. They seem too impossible, unattainable. And because sometimes I just feel unworthy of those dreams ever coming true. But I'm starting to see that God has so much more for my life than the little I expect for myself.
He's calling me to unlock the treasure box and revive those dreams. And to dance upon the barren land? Really??? Barren land does not conjure up good thoughts in my mind or warm, fuzzy feelings in my heart. All I think of is dry, dusty nothingness, empty and alone. Very alone. But I don't think God sees any barren lands in me. He sees the fruition of all my dreams. And though I don't see the path to get through, He's calling me to dance on the lands that I see as barren. And not just to dance, but to dance with hope and in faith, knowing that, "He who calls you is faithful; He will surely do it." 1 Thessalonians 5:24
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Friday, June 1, 2012
Desire Misplaced
In the past couple weeks, I've found myself getting a little weird, in a bit of a funk. I was too easily discouraged and disheartened and just irritable at times. I thought it was due to some relational issues and some areas of my life where I feel like I'm wrestling against my flesh and with the Lord for freedom. Turns out I was missing the biggest issue of all - I've been replacing the things of God for God Himself. Sounds kind of crazy to me, considering I spend 30+ hours a week at the house of prayer. One would think that would mean some real intimacy with the Lord. But I've found myself so distracted by other things.
This quote by C.S. Lewis from The Weight of Glory really caught my attention yesterday. "If we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at sea. We are far too easily pleased."
Wow. I'm far too easily pleased by just a little bit of God and far too easily distracted. Are my distractions at the house of prayer necessarily bad? No, they're not. I'm reading a couple Christian books that are really challenging, really full of truth and helping me gain some insight into those areas of my life where I need freedom. I spend some time with my friends in fellowship, discussing a variety of things. The one thing that probably should have sounded the alarm was my time in the Word. I was reading, but not soaking/meditating on it, and it just wasn't all that thrilling.
Nothing, not a single thing, or person in this world can replace God and time with Him. Nothing can satisfy our deepest heart's desires like He can. Try as I may to chase a billion other lovers, I find again that only His love quiets my heart. So, I came into the prayer room last night determined to just sit and wait. And it's amazing what happened. After just a few minutes of soaking, the veil of crud that I had felt over me just lifted and there was peace, even joy, and a contentedness in the deepest parts of me that I'd been missing.
And there was such life in the Word. The Lord had put John 15:1-11 on my heart. It's all about abiding. Not about doing, just being. Our greatest satisfaction can come just by knowing that we belong to Jesus and we're loved, just as the Father loved Him. And in abiding, we can have the fullness of joy. Not an earthly joy that fades away, but an eternal, everlasting joy that springs up from the innermost parts of our being.
One of the things being sung in my time of soaking was, "You hear the cry of my hunger, You answer me with abundance." He knows when we're hungry and He knows what will satisfy that hunger. So, will I choose to answer the cries of my hunger by simply abiding in the One who can fill every longing in my heart?
This quote by C.S. Lewis from The Weight of Glory really caught my attention yesterday. "If we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at sea. We are far too easily pleased."
Wow. I'm far too easily pleased by just a little bit of God and far too easily distracted. Are my distractions at the house of prayer necessarily bad? No, they're not. I'm reading a couple Christian books that are really challenging, really full of truth and helping me gain some insight into those areas of my life where I need freedom. I spend some time with my friends in fellowship, discussing a variety of things. The one thing that probably should have sounded the alarm was my time in the Word. I was reading, but not soaking/meditating on it, and it just wasn't all that thrilling.
Nothing, not a single thing, or person in this world can replace God and time with Him. Nothing can satisfy our deepest heart's desires like He can. Try as I may to chase a billion other lovers, I find again that only His love quiets my heart. So, I came into the prayer room last night determined to just sit and wait. And it's amazing what happened. After just a few minutes of soaking, the veil of crud that I had felt over me just lifted and there was peace, even joy, and a contentedness in the deepest parts of me that I'd been missing.
And there was such life in the Word. The Lord had put John 15:1-11 on my heart. It's all about abiding. Not about doing, just being. Our greatest satisfaction can come just by knowing that we belong to Jesus and we're loved, just as the Father loved Him. And in abiding, we can have the fullness of joy. Not an earthly joy that fades away, but an eternal, everlasting joy that springs up from the innermost parts of our being.
One of the things being sung in my time of soaking was, "You hear the cry of my hunger, You answer me with abundance." He knows when we're hungry and He knows what will satisfy that hunger. So, will I choose to answer the cries of my hunger by simply abiding in the One who can fill every longing in my heart?
Thursday, June 2, 2011
What Are You Hungry For?
I got a pretty strong word from the Lord today while in a time of prayer with the staff at my church. I think it's not only for myself and my church but for THE church, the whole body. But before I share that word, I want to shed some light on some struggles I have that relate and brought me to hearing this word.
Over the past couple years I've been in the process of becoming more healthy and in better shape. And process is an understatement. It's been a battle and a real struggle at times. At times, I've gone hard after healthy eating and exercising, and at other times I've just given up. At this point, I'm back on the proverbial wagon and hoping to stay here for good. Actually, if you're reading this and are a friend of mine, can I ask you to help me hold my feet to the fire in this? And if you're sensing that I may need a good kick in the butt to stay on track, you have my total permission to do so. :)
This morning, I took a little walk to get moving and wake myself up before going to work out. After working out, I was feeling really good, had lots of energy, and was excited to go about the rest of my day. I was eating a granola bar on my way to church and had some fresh fruit that I was looking forward to enjoying a little later. As I ate the granola bar, my thought was, "Wow, this tastes so good! And it's satisfying my hunger." And it hit me - food = fuel. Now I know you've heard that before, and so have I, but this time it actually clicked in my head. And so I purposed in my heart and mind to look at what I eat as fuel for my body and not to eat something just because it tastes "good" or because I'm craving it.
So it was very interesting that, in the beginning of our prayer time at church, we were talking and praying about desiring God and hungering for Him. So this was my word from the Lord: I heard Him say several times that He wants to bring a shift in our appetite. He wants to bring a change in what we hunger for and what we feed ourselves on. Instead of feeding on entertainment and things of the world that only satisfy for a moment, He wants us to feed on His presence, His Word and His will, which are everlasting.
In John 4:34, Jesus says "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to finish His work." This is the food that satisfies. It is spending time in His presence, in His Word and going outward, taking the love and the presence of the Lord to people in need of a Savior who can satisfy their every longing. And as we feed on this food, it not only satisfies us now, but we will one day reap the benefits of the treasures we have stored up in heaven.
I'll end my own words here and let the scriptures speak for themselves. John 6:57-58 "As the living Father sent Me, and I live because of the Father, so He who feeds on Me will live because of Me. This is the bread which came down from heaven - not as your fathers ate the manna, and are dead. He who eats this bread will live forever."
Over the past couple years I've been in the process of becoming more healthy and in better shape. And process is an understatement. It's been a battle and a real struggle at times. At times, I've gone hard after healthy eating and exercising, and at other times I've just given up. At this point, I'm back on the proverbial wagon and hoping to stay here for good. Actually, if you're reading this and are a friend of mine, can I ask you to help me hold my feet to the fire in this? And if you're sensing that I may need a good kick in the butt to stay on track, you have my total permission to do so. :)
This morning, I took a little walk to get moving and wake myself up before going to work out. After working out, I was feeling really good, had lots of energy, and was excited to go about the rest of my day. I was eating a granola bar on my way to church and had some fresh fruit that I was looking forward to enjoying a little later. As I ate the granola bar, my thought was, "Wow, this tastes so good! And it's satisfying my hunger." And it hit me - food = fuel. Now I know you've heard that before, and so have I, but this time it actually clicked in my head. And so I purposed in my heart and mind to look at what I eat as fuel for my body and not to eat something just because it tastes "good" or because I'm craving it.
So it was very interesting that, in the beginning of our prayer time at church, we were talking and praying about desiring God and hungering for Him. So this was my word from the Lord: I heard Him say several times that He wants to bring a shift in our appetite. He wants to bring a change in what we hunger for and what we feed ourselves on. Instead of feeding on entertainment and things of the world that only satisfy for a moment, He wants us to feed on His presence, His Word and His will, which are everlasting.
In John 4:34, Jesus says "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to finish His work." This is the food that satisfies. It is spending time in His presence, in His Word and going outward, taking the love and the presence of the Lord to people in need of a Savior who can satisfy their every longing. And as we feed on this food, it not only satisfies us now, but we will one day reap the benefits of the treasures we have stored up in heaven.
I'll end my own words here and let the scriptures speak for themselves. John 6:57-58 "As the living Father sent Me, and I live because of the Father, so He who feeds on Me will live because of Me. This is the bread which came down from heaven - not as your fathers ate the manna, and are dead. He who eats this bread will live forever."
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
ThankFULLness
Oh thank You, Lord. For so many reasons, thank You. Especially thank You because:
"I'm not who I was when I took my first step, and I'm clinging to the promise that You're not through with me yet."
and
"When I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, I'm gonna shout. I'm gonna look into Your eyes and see You never let me down."
So much truth, so much hope in those lyrics. My heart really connects to them these days. Looking back, I'm in complete awe of what the Lord has done in me. Looking at where I am now, I'm thankful for the trials, the pain, the suffering, because I know He's working something so deep in me, making me more like Him, working in me an eternal weight of glory. Looking ahead, I'm so thankful that He's not finished. He has so much more for me, more than I could even imagine. And I know He will bring this work to completion. It's His promise. And He does not break His promises or change His mind on what He's set out to do.
"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful." ~Hebrews 10:23
Yes. We can cling to what He says because He is always faithful and He is always good. Thank You, Lord. I just can't stop saying "thank You". He calls us to confess our hope. Rehearse it over and over again in our own minds, lest we forget, but also confess to others to encourage and strengthen them. And don't waver, don't doubt. Only believe. He is faithful. He's nothing less than fully faithful.
"I'm not who I was when I took my first step, and I'm clinging to the promise that You're not through with me yet."
and
"When I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, I'm gonna shout. I'm gonna look into Your eyes and see You never let me down."
So much truth, so much hope in those lyrics. My heart really connects to them these days. Looking back, I'm in complete awe of what the Lord has done in me. Looking at where I am now, I'm thankful for the trials, the pain, the suffering, because I know He's working something so deep in me, making me more like Him, working in me an eternal weight of glory. Looking ahead, I'm so thankful that He's not finished. He has so much more for me, more than I could even imagine. And I know He will bring this work to completion. It's His promise. And He does not break His promises or change His mind on what He's set out to do.
"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful." ~Hebrews 10:23
Yes. We can cling to what He says because He is always faithful and He is always good. Thank You, Lord. I just can't stop saying "thank You". He calls us to confess our hope. Rehearse it over and over again in our own minds, lest we forget, but also confess to others to encourage and strengthen them. And don't waver, don't doubt. Only believe. He is faithful. He's nothing less than fully faithful.
Glorious Exchange
I was listening to the webstream of the International House of Prayer in Kansas City (IHOP-KC) the other day and this chorus they were singing really tugged my heart:
"For my shame, You give me romance; for my dirge, You give me a wedding dance; for my rags, You give me riches; for my scars, You give me kisses; for my pain, You give me pleasure; for my filth, You give me treasure; for me, You give me You; for me, You give me You"
Oh what a glorious exchange!
"Gladly I surrender. Willingly I give everything".
Selah.
"For my shame, You give me romance; for my dirge, You give me a wedding dance; for my rags, You give me riches; for my scars, You give me kisses; for my pain, You give me pleasure; for my filth, You give me treasure; for me, You give me You; for me, You give me You"
Oh what a glorious exchange!
"Gladly I surrender. Willingly I give everything".
Selah.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Some old notes worth mentioning
Before I decided to start this blog, I had some things on my mind that the Lord put on my heart to share with people, so I wrote them as notes on Facebook. But I want to include them here as well, because they're definitely still of value to me today. So here they are:
Good Friday and a complete paradigm shift
by Katie Doyle on Saturday, April 3, 2010 at 12:43am
"He delivered me because He delighted in me." ~Psalm 18:19. That verse came to me last night as I was praying for a friend. And today, Good Friday, I woke up thinking about it and just why Jesus did what He did for us - go to a bloody cross.
In years past, Good Friday has been more of a gloom and doom day for me. I was more focused on my sin and brokenness that caused Jesus to go to that cross. In thinking about what Jesus went through that day, I was focused more on the sadness of it all and the guilt I felt for the things I've done that nailed Him to the cross.
But the Lord is doing this amazing new work in me. Over the past several months, He's been showing me that I am His beloved. Even when I fall short of His glory, He still calls me beloved. Song of Solomon 1:5 says, "I am dark, but lovely." Yes, I sin. But because of Jesus' work of redemption, He sees me as lovely.
So now, on this Good Friday, I'm seeing what Jesus did for me in a completely different way. He didn't go to that cross out of pity for me in my sinful state. No. He went to the cross because He delights in me! HE DELIGHTS IN ME!!!! The Sovereign God, Creator of this whole universe went to the cross for me because He delights in me, because He couldn't stand to be apart from me.
And so, instead of thinking all day today, "oh my sin, my sin, why do I have to be such a wretched person?", I've been thinking all day, "oh His grace, His grace, His delight in me!" Hebrews 12:2 says "who for the joy set before Him endured the cross." That joy set before Him is our salvation and the relationship He would have with us. That's why He went to the cross. He wants to have relationship with us, to delight in us and for us to experience that delight in a real way.
Just as I was thinking of all this, a song came on my iPod that fit perfectly. it goes like this:
The fullness of Your grace is here with me
The richness of Your beauty’s all I see
The brightness of Your glory has arrived
In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied
For You I sing I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love
A deep deep flood, an ocean flows from You
Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room
Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life
In Your presence God I’m completely satisfied
Yes. That's it. I don't need to obsess over all the horrible choices I've made, because His blood has washed that all away.
"He delivered me because He delighted in me." Do you believe that? It is my prayer that you do. And if you don't believe it yet, it is my prayer that Jesus would reveal that truth to you in a real and tangible way, so that as we celebrate the joy of His resurrection, you can have freedom in knowing that you are the beloved of Jesus Christ.
In years past, Good Friday has been more of a gloom and doom day for me. I was more focused on my sin and brokenness that caused Jesus to go to that cross. In thinking about what Jesus went through that day, I was focused more on the sadness of it all and the guilt I felt for the things I've done that nailed Him to the cross.
But the Lord is doing this amazing new work in me. Over the past several months, He's been showing me that I am His beloved. Even when I fall short of His glory, He still calls me beloved. Song of Solomon 1:5 says, "I am dark, but lovely." Yes, I sin. But because of Jesus' work of redemption, He sees me as lovely.
So now, on this Good Friday, I'm seeing what Jesus did for me in a completely different way. He didn't go to that cross out of pity for me in my sinful state. No. He went to the cross because He delights in me! HE DELIGHTS IN ME!!!! The Sovereign God, Creator of this whole universe went to the cross for me because He delights in me, because He couldn't stand to be apart from me.
And so, instead of thinking all day today, "oh my sin, my sin, why do I have to be such a wretched person?", I've been thinking all day, "oh His grace, His grace, His delight in me!" Hebrews 12:2 says "who for the joy set before Him endured the cross." That joy set before Him is our salvation and the relationship He would have with us. That's why He went to the cross. He wants to have relationship with us, to delight in us and for us to experience that delight in a real way.
Just as I was thinking of all this, a song came on my iPod that fit perfectly. it goes like this:
The fullness of Your grace is here with me
The richness of Your beauty’s all I see
The brightness of Your glory has arrived
In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied
For You I sing I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love
A deep deep flood, an ocean flows from You
Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room
Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life
In Your presence God I’m completely satisfied
Yes. That's it. I don't need to obsess over all the horrible choices I've made, because His blood has washed that all away.
"He delivered me because He delighted in me." Do you believe that? It is my prayer that you do. And if you don't believe it yet, it is my prayer that Jesus would reveal that truth to you in a real and tangible way, so that as we celebrate the joy of His resurrection, you can have freedom in knowing that you are the beloved of Jesus Christ.
Love
by Katie Doyle on Wednesday, October 13, 2010 at 10:55pm
I had a little revelation tonight while at my small group. I was leading worship and we were singing "Unashamed Love." The basis of the song is setting earthly things aside and worshipping the Lord because He's worthy. We went into a time of singing our own little songs to the Lord and this chorus came to me - "You've given me Your love so I can give it back to You." I was like, wow, that's pretty cool, Lord! Then later as we were praying the Lord spoke into it more. As He's loving us, He's wanting us to love Him back. And we're the same way. We were created in His image, after all. But sometimes I struggle with feeling needy. I so desperately want the people I love to love me back. But He's the same way. He's desperate for us to love Him back. Will we choose to offer Him the little bit of human love that we can muster because He has showered His love extravagantly on us?
really knowing God
by Katie Doyle on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at 5:42pm
so, at the suggestion of a friend, i'm getting back into reading oswald chamber's my utmost for His highest, and that man tells it like it is.
"if we have never had the experience of taking our commonplace religious shoes off our commonplace religious feet, and getting rid of all the undue familiarity with which we approach God, it is questionable whether we have ever stood in His presence. the people who are flippant and familiar are those who have never yet been introduced to Jesus Christ. after the amazing delight and liberty of realizing what Jesus Christ does, comes the impenetrable darkness of realizing Who He is." that statement alone just makes me shudder thinking about the vastness and depth of the character of God and how much more there is for me to know of Him. then in the next thought, the Holy Spirit reminds me of when God beckons to us through Jeremiah "call to Me and I will answer you, and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." and this leaves me completely and utterly dumbfounded.
"if we have never had the experience of taking our commonplace religious shoes off our commonplace religious feet, and getting rid of all the undue familiarity with which we approach God, it is questionable whether we have ever stood in His presence. the people who are flippant and familiar are those who have never yet been introduced to Jesus Christ. after the amazing delight and liberty of realizing what Jesus Christ does, comes the impenetrable darkness of realizing Who He is." that statement alone just makes me shudder thinking about the vastness and depth of the character of God and how much more there is for me to know of Him. then in the next thought, the Holy Spirit reminds me of when God beckons to us through Jeremiah "call to Me and I will answer you, and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." and this leaves me completely and utterly dumbfounded.
Welcome
So, a certain friend of mine has encouraged me from time to time to start a blog. So, oh wonderful friend of mine (who shall remain nameless), here you are :)
I've always called myself a person of few words, which I still believe is true, but not in a way that I'm condemning myself and saying I have nothing to offer. Yes, I have stuff to say, but I'm always careful in choosing what I say because I want my words to be of value. Of course, there are those times, with certain friends, where I just get silly and we say some pretty ridiculously funny stuff. But that's different.
All that to say, I'm not promising that you'll find posts by me every day. In fact, maybe it'll even be months in between posts. But you can trust that if I have something to say, you'll find it here.
I've always called myself a person of few words, which I still believe is true, but not in a way that I'm condemning myself and saying I have nothing to offer. Yes, I have stuff to say, but I'm always careful in choosing what I say because I want my words to be of value. Of course, there are those times, with certain friends, where I just get silly and we say some pretty ridiculously funny stuff. But that's different.
All that to say, I'm not promising that you'll find posts by me every day. In fact, maybe it'll even be months in between posts. But you can trust that if I have something to say, you'll find it here.
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