My Life As an Intercessory Missionary

A friend recently asked me if at some point, I would share with her my goals in my ministry as an intercessory missionary.  This will be my response to her and to anyone else who wishes to know:

I have one goal, and that is to minister to the Lord.  When David set up the tabernacle in Israel, he hired hundreds of musicians and singers to worship and intercede day and night, ministering to the Lord.  I believe God is restoring that in our day and time, and He's raising up musicians and singers to minister to Him in His end of the age tabernacle.  And we are His tabernacle, His dwelling place.  He says in Isaiah 56:7 that "My house shall be called a house of prayer for all nations."  And He has a special psalm dedicated to people like me who minister in His tabernacle during the nightwatch, Psalm 134.  "Behold, bless the Lord, all you servants of the Lord, who by night stand in the house of the Lord!  Lift up your hands in the sanctuary and bless the Lord.  The Lord who made heaven and earth bless you from Zion!"

I believe that the best thing I can do with my life is to spend it in intimacy with Jesus, sitting at His feet, ministering to Him.  Jesus said that one thing is required of us and Mary chose that better part.  When Jesus was anointed by the woman at Simon's house in Bethany, the disciples criticized her because they thought that bottle of perfume would have been put to better use if it had been sold and the money given to the poor.  But Jesus said that what that woman did would be remembered forever and wherever the gospel was preached it would be told as a memorial to her.

I believe that God has called me to be one of those singers/musicians/intercessors, ministering to the Lord night and day.  Do I love serving, praying for people, doing outreaches, going on missions trips?  Yes, absolutely!  I love the Saturdays that I get to go to church to serve in the food pantry.  God's given me the gift of healing, and I love praying for people and ministering that healing to them.  I love going and handing out bottles of water in Jesus' name and taking part in all kinds of outreaches.  And a very significant part of my heart remains along the Xingu River in Brazil, where I left it in 2006, 2009 and 2011.

All of that is good, and I'll continue to do all those things as Holy Spirit leads.  But I believe that even if I was never to lay hands on one more sick person or hand out one more bottle of water, if I never did any of those things again and devoted my life, like Anna did for 80 years, ministering in the temple, just as many people, if not more, would still get healed, saved, delivered, and touched by Jesus.  And that is because worship and intercession are the most powerful tools we've been given in this life.  I believe that God has called me to be a Levite.  The Levites were the worshipers in the temple.  The worshipers were the people in the army who went out before everyone else.  They were on the front lines.  I want to be one of those worshipers who lead the army of God.  That doesn't mean that I have to always be leading hundreds of people in worship.  I can be alone in the prayer room worshiping with no one else around and I'm still doing battle in the heavenlies and leading that army.  And my prayers of intercession that no human ears hear, praying for the outpouring of God in this city, will move God's heart to come and bring revival and save many souls.

That, I believe, is the main ministry God has called me to, as Psalm 134 says to "by night stand in the house of the Lord."  And just as a side note, standing in the night in the house of the Lord, I think, is one of the greater calls.  I'm not saying that to puff myself up.  I'm saying that because Satan thinks that he owns the night because of the darkness.  But Jehovah never sleeps, Jesus is the light of the world, and He has called me to be that light shining in the darkness.

So yes, I will continue to serve in the food pantry, pray for the sick and all else who are in need, participate in outreaches, and joyfully go to Brazil and everywhere else He calls me, but before I do any of those things, you will find me at the feet of Jesus, wasting my life on Him.    

You Don't Despise This Journey (thank You for Your patience with me)

Well, this season of my life definitely merits a little blogging.  For the past 2 1/2 years, the one word that I've used most to describe my life is interesting.  And that is still very true in this season.  I've often found myself saying, in many different situations, "Wow, God, this is very interesting.  What are You up to now?" I could bore you with all the details of the journey that have brought me to where I am right now, but instead I'm just gonna go straight to the "meat" of a couple really huge things that I've learned.

Psalm 17:2 "Let my vindication come from Your presence."  This verse pretty much sums up something I've struggled with for a long time, and something the Lord has been trying to teach me a long time.  My "rights", revenge, and justice are ONLY to be found in the presence of the Lord.  I think this pretty much covers any relational situation or strife that could happen.  I have no rights, no right to seek revenge or justice from any person because all of that is to be found in Jesus.  

I experienced this firsthand at the house of prayer recently.  I had to repent and seek forgiveness from the other staff members for a sour attitude concerning my "rights" being denied and for my pridefulness in it all.  That verse pretty much sums up what my attitude should have been and what I should have done.  However, as much as I wish my friends hadn't seen that kind of ugliness in me, I'm glad it did happen because I needed to see what an issue my pride is in that area of my life, where I thought that I had rights.  The freedom that came from that repenting and laying down of my rights is something I can't really explain in words.  It has fueled a deeper level of knowing God's heart and interceding for others, for my church and for this city.  And I'm finding myself able to love others without expecting anything in return.

Another major life lesson from the last couple weeks:  Jesus can and will more than fulfill the role of best friend in my life.  For many years, I've been on a search for a "best" friend.  I have my two childhood friends who were my best friends growing up.  But as years went on, we all moved far away from each other, and though in a sense I may still call them best friends, they're not really in my life in that way now.  Though when we're together we can just pick right back up.  Here in Cleveland I've had a few people over the years who I've wanted to call my "best" friend, but they already had a best friend and/or for some reason I didn't fit in that role.

A few weeks ago, I was on worship team at church.  We were singing "Friend of God", and this light bulb went off in my head.  It was as if Jesus was standing right in front of me, jumping up and down, waving His arms, saying "Hey!!!!  Katie!!!!  What about me?  I'm right here!  I want to be your best friend!"  And I was just so blown away.  In that moment, I felt so loved and seen and known and desired.  And I was filled with a joy that could not be explained or contained.  Something had totally changed in my heart, and I realized that I no longer needed to search for a person to fit the role of my best friend.  How amazingly sweet, to be completely satisfied and at rest in the knowledge that Jesus so perfectly is my very best friend. :)

Psalm 17:15 "As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness; I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness."  In this season, I'm trying to get to the point where I don't despise the journey, the process of growing.  This comes right out of an IHOP-KC set.  "You don't despise my growing, You don't despise this journey.  Good Shepherd of my soul, You love mercy, You love mercy."  I will no longer despise the journey, because God's abundant grace and mercy are so much greater than my weakness.  And I know that "He who has begun a good work in me..."

So, in all of this and all that is to come, may the cry of my heart always be, "more of You, Jesus, and less of me!"

 

Dreaming and Dancing Upon My Barren Lands

I'm almost afraid to be writing this, because then I might actually have to do something about it.  Just being honest.  But in my heart, I can sense that God's calling me to much more than I've ever believed for myself.  At our young adult gathering at church tonight, some of the words from the Delirious song Rain Down really hit me.  As many times as I've sung that song, I don't think I've ever really paid attention to some of the words.  They have to do with dreaming.  Here's the second verse:
                   
                    Back to the start, my heart is heavy
                    Feels like it's time to dream again
                    I see the clouds, and yes, I'm ready
                    To dance upon this barren land
                    Hope in my hands

I feel like I have a lot of dreams for what I'd like my life to look like, things I'd like to do, but they're just that - dreams.  I've never allowed myself to believe that they will actually happen.  Why?  Largely because of fear.  They seem too impossible, unattainable.  And because sometimes I just feel unworthy of those dreams ever coming true.  But I'm starting to see that God has so much more for my life than the little I expect for myself. 

He's calling me to unlock the treasure box and revive those dreams.  And to dance upon the barren land?  Really???  Barren land does not conjure up good thoughts in my mind or warm, fuzzy feelings in my heart.  All I think of is dry, dusty nothingness, empty and alone.  Very alone.  But I don't think God sees any barren lands in me.  He sees the fruition of all my dreams.  And though I don't see the path to get through, He's calling me to dance on the lands that I see as barren.  And not just to dance, but to dance with hope and in faith, knowing that, "He who calls you is faithful; He will surely do it." 1 Thessalonians 5:24

Desire Misplaced

In the past couple weeks, I've found myself getting a little weird, in a bit of a funk.  I was too easily discouraged and disheartened and just irritable at times.  I thought it was due to some relational issues and some areas of my life where I feel like I'm wrestling against my flesh and with the Lord for freedom.  Turns out I was missing the biggest issue of all - I've been replacing the things of God for God Himself.  Sounds kind of crazy to me, considering I spend 30+ hours a week at the house of prayer.  One would think that would mean some real intimacy with the Lord.  But I've found myself so distracted by other things.

This quote by C.S. Lewis from The Weight of Glory really caught my attention yesterday. "If we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak.  We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at sea.  We are far too easily pleased."

Wow.  I'm far too easily pleased by just a little bit of God and far too easily distracted.  Are my distractions at the house of prayer necessarily bad?  No, they're not.  I'm reading a couple Christian books that are really challenging, really full of truth and helping me gain some insight into those areas of my life where I need freedom.  I spend some time with my friends in fellowship, discussing a variety of things.  The one thing that probably should have sounded the alarm was my time in the Word.  I was reading, but not soaking/meditating on it, and it just wasn't all that thrilling.

Nothing, not a single thing, or person in this world can replace God and time with Him.  Nothing can satisfy our deepest heart's desires like He can.  Try as I may to chase a billion other lovers, I find again that only His love quiets my heart.  So, I came into the prayer room last night determined to just sit and wait.  And it's amazing what happened.  After just a few minutes of soaking, the veil of crud that I had felt over me just lifted and there was peace, even joy, and a contentedness in the deepest parts of me that I'd been missing.

And there was such life in the Word.  The Lord had put John 15:1-11 on my heart.  It's all about abiding.  Not about doing, just being.  Our greatest satisfaction can come just by knowing that we belong to Jesus and we're loved, just as the Father loved Him.  And in abiding, we can have the fullness of joy.  Not an earthly joy that fades away, but an eternal, everlasting joy that springs up from the innermost parts of our being.

One of the things being sung in my time of soaking was, "You hear the cry of my hunger, You answer me with abundance."  He knows when we're hungry and He knows what will satisfy that hunger.  So, will I choose to answer the cries of my hunger by simply abiding in the One who can fill every longing in my heart?

What Are You Hungry For?

I got a pretty strong word from the Lord today while in a time of prayer with the staff at my church.  I think it's not only for myself and my church but for THE church, the whole body.  But before I share that word, I want to shed some light on some struggles I have that relate and brought me to hearing this word.

Over the past couple years I've been in the process of becoming more healthy and in better shape.  And process is an understatement.  It's been a battle and a real struggle at times.  At times, I've gone hard after healthy eating and exercising, and at other times I've just given up.  At this point, I'm back on the proverbial wagon and hoping to stay here for good.  Actually, if you're reading this and are a friend of mine, can I ask you to help me hold my feet to the fire in this?  And if you're sensing that I may need a good kick in the butt to stay on track, you have my total permission to do so.  :)

This morning, I took a little walk to get moving and wake myself up before going to work out.  After working out, I was feeling really good, had lots of energy, and was excited to go about the rest of my day.  I was eating a granola bar on my way to church and had some fresh fruit that I was looking forward to enjoying a little later.  As I ate the granola bar, my thought was, "Wow, this tastes so good!  And it's satisfying my hunger."  And it hit me - food = fuel.  Now I know you've heard that before, and so have I, but this time it actually clicked in my head.  And so I purposed in my heart and mind to look at what I eat as fuel for my body and not to eat something just because it tastes "good" or because I'm craving it.

So it was very interesting that, in the beginning of our prayer time at church, we were talking and praying about desiring God and hungering for Him.  So this was my word from the Lord:  I heard Him say several times that He wants to bring a shift in our appetite.  He wants to bring a change in what we hunger for and what we feed ourselves on.  Instead of feeding on entertainment and things of the world that only satisfy for a moment, He wants us to feed on His presence, His Word and His will, which are everlasting.

In John 4:34, Jesus says "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to finish His work."  This is the food that satisfies.  It is spending time in His presence, in His Word and going outward, taking the love and the presence of the Lord to people in need of a Savior who can satisfy their every longing.  And as we feed on this food, it not only satisfies us now, but we will one day reap the benefits of the treasures we have stored up in heaven.

I'll end my own words here and let the scriptures speak for themselves.  John 6:57-58 "As the living Father sent Me, and I live because of the Father, so He who feeds on Me will live because of Me.  This is the bread which came down from heaven - not as your fathers ate the manna, and are dead.  He who eats this bread will live forever."

ThankFULLness

Oh thank You, Lord.  For so many reasons, thank You.  Especially thank You because:

"I'm not who I was when I took my first step, and I'm clinging to the promise that You're not through with me yet."

and

"When I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, I'm gonna shout.  I'm gonna look into Your eyes and see You never let me down."

So much truth, so much hope in those lyrics.  My heart really connects to them these days.  Looking back, I'm in complete awe of what the Lord has done in me.  Looking at where I am now, I'm thankful for the trials, the pain, the suffering, because I know He's working something so deep in me, making me more like Him, working in me an eternal weight of glory.  Looking ahead, I'm so thankful that He's not finished.  He has so much more for me, more than I could even imagine.  And I know He will bring this work to completion. It's His promise.  And He does not break His promises or change His mind on what He's set out to do.

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful."    ~Hebrews 10:23

Yes.  We can cling to what He says because He is always faithful and He is always good.  Thank You, Lord.  I just can't stop saying "thank You".  He calls us to confess our hope.  Rehearse it over and over again in our own minds, lest we forget, but also confess to others to encourage and strengthen them.  And don't waver, don't doubt.  Only believe.  He is faithful.  He's nothing less than fully faithful.

Glorious Exchange

I was listening to the webstream of the International House of Prayer in Kansas City (IHOP-KC) the other day and this chorus they were singing really tugged my heart:

"For my shame, You give me romance; for my dirge, You give me a wedding dance; for my rags, You give me riches; for my scars, You give me kisses; for my pain, You give me pleasure; for my filth, You give me treasure; for me, You give me You; for me, You give me You"

Oh what a glorious exchange!

"Gladly I surrender.  Willingly I give everything". 

Selah.