You Don't Despise This Journey (thank You for Your patience with me)

Well, this season of my life definitely merits a little blogging.  For the past 2 1/2 years, the one word that I've used most to describe my life is interesting.  And that is still very true in this season.  I've often found myself saying, in many different situations, "Wow, God, this is very interesting.  What are You up to now?" I could bore you with all the details of the journey that have brought me to where I am right now, but instead I'm just gonna go straight to the "meat" of a couple really huge things that I've learned.

Psalm 17:2 "Let my vindication come from Your presence."  This verse pretty much sums up something I've struggled with for a long time, and something the Lord has been trying to teach me a long time.  My "rights", revenge, and justice are ONLY to be found in the presence of the Lord.  I think this pretty much covers any relational situation or strife that could happen.  I have no rights, no right to seek revenge or justice from any person because all of that is to be found in Jesus.  

I experienced this firsthand at the house of prayer recently.  I had to repent and seek forgiveness from the other staff members for a sour attitude concerning my "rights" being denied and for my pridefulness in it all.  That verse pretty much sums up what my attitude should have been and what I should have done.  However, as much as I wish my friends hadn't seen that kind of ugliness in me, I'm glad it did happen because I needed to see what an issue my pride is in that area of my life, where I thought that I had rights.  The freedom that came from that repenting and laying down of my rights is something I can't really explain in words.  It has fueled a deeper level of knowing God's heart and interceding for others, for my church and for this city.  And I'm finding myself able to love others without expecting anything in return.

Another major life lesson from the last couple weeks:  Jesus can and will more than fulfill the role of best friend in my life.  For many years, I've been on a search for a "best" friend.  I have my two childhood friends who were my best friends growing up.  But as years went on, we all moved far away from each other, and though in a sense I may still call them best friends, they're not really in my life in that way now.  Though when we're together we can just pick right back up.  Here in Cleveland I've had a few people over the years who I've wanted to call my "best" friend, but they already had a best friend and/or for some reason I didn't fit in that role.

A few weeks ago, I was on worship team at church.  We were singing "Friend of God", and this light bulb went off in my head.  It was as if Jesus was standing right in front of me, jumping up and down, waving His arms, saying "Hey!!!!  Katie!!!!  What about me?  I'm right here!  I want to be your best friend!"  And I was just so blown away.  In that moment, I felt so loved and seen and known and desired.  And I was filled with a joy that could not be explained or contained.  Something had totally changed in my heart, and I realized that I no longer needed to search for a person to fit the role of my best friend.  How amazingly sweet, to be completely satisfied and at rest in the knowledge that Jesus so perfectly is my very best friend. :)

Psalm 17:15 "As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness; I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness."  In this season, I'm trying to get to the point where I don't despise the journey, the process of growing.  This comes right out of an IHOP-KC set.  "You don't despise my growing, You don't despise this journey.  Good Shepherd of my soul, You love mercy, You love mercy."  I will no longer despise the journey, because God's abundant grace and mercy are so much greater than my weakness.  And I know that "He who has begun a good work in me..."

So, in all of this and all that is to come, may the cry of my heart always be, "more of You, Jesus, and less of me!"